I’m no relationship expert. Far from it. However, I have learned a thing or two about men in the 20+years I have been married to my husband. During this time, we’ve raised three sons. One is now a man and the other two are well on their way to becoming men. I tell you this because I’ve had to “up my game” when it comes to communicating with the male species. I have learned through trial and error, what works {and what doesn’t} when it comes to knowing how to get a man to help.
Knowing these ten strategies will help you learn how to better relay your needs to the men in your life. You’ll discover how to go from constantly nagging to having effective communication with your husband, son, or significant other. Most importantly, you’ll start getting things done!
How to Get a Man to Help with Just About Anything
Once you know how to get a man to help, you will be able to persuade him to do just about anything. Think of how nice it will be to finally have help with cleaning, decluttering, budgeting, childcare, grocery shopping…the possibilities are truly endless!
Are you ready to learn the secrets you need to know in order to get a man to help? Okay! Let’s get started!
1. Don’t Nag
If you really want to get a man to help the number one thing you need to do is to STOP NAGGING HIM. Seriously, nagging accomplishes nothing. Consider this:
“If there is one sweeping generalization I can make without fear of contradiction, it is that ‘change’ is the scariest word in the English language Nothing will change in our lives until we change our own behavior. Insight won’t do it. Understanding why we do the self-defeating things we do won’t make us stop doing them. Nagging and pleading with the other person to change won’t do it. We have to act. We have to take the first step down a new road.”-Susan Forward
There are so many reasons why nagging doesn’t work. When you nag, you:
- Turn the sound of your voice into an unpleasant noise. {Which most people will instinctively tune-out}.
- Project a negative reflection of yourself upon others.
- Are seen as a (domineering) parent figure. {Which is never healthy for a marriage}.
- Elicit a “conflict” response in the other person. This may actually cause them to do the opposite of what you want them to do.
“My wife’s nagging is like living near the airport. After a while you don’t notice it any more.”-Tom Arnold
Let’s face it, nagging is not the way to make friends and influence people. Period.
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2. Compliment him
If you want to get a man to help, instead of nagging him, try complimenting him instead. Point out to him {and others} all of the things he does for you which you are grateful for.
Can your husband make a mean pan of scrambled eggs (like mine can)? Let him know how much you enjoy it when he cooks breakfast for you. Is he talented at repairing things, strategizing, or teaching others? Go ahead and pile on the praise!
Find something your husband excels at (it doesn’t have to be huge), and tell him how great he is at it. Learning how to compliment others really is as simple as that.
Men, like the rest of us, thrive on praise and compliments.
“Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.”-Oscar Wilde
3. Talk TO him, not AT him
When you talk to your husband, son, or significant other, make sure you are actually talking to him instead of at him. As a woman, I’m guilty of this. Many times I find myself talking just to hear myself talk.
Sit (or stand) directly across from him, make eye contact, and speak clearly for best results.
If he strikes up a conversation with you while you are in the middle of doing something, stop what you are doing and give him your full attention. Let him know that he’s important enough to listen to and, who knows, he may actually start listening to you, too.
4. Catch him at a good time
If you want to get a man to help, don’t pounce on him the moment he walks in the door after a long day at work. Also, don’t even think of asking him for a favor when he is in the middle of watching {insert-sport-here}.
Similarly, asking a man for help when he is tired, hungry, or engaged in a project is the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall. Really. Really. Hard. It’s pointless and painful.
Men tend to be single-minded. It’s what enables some men to be so good at focusing, leadership, and delegating. They are great at focusing on the end goal.
However, hunger, fatigue, or being immersed in a project can quickly deter a man’s focus.
Waiting until a man is fed, well-rested, and not currently occupied, is key to getting him to help.
If you want to know how to get a man to help, keep reading.
5. Help HIM first
While a healthy relationship should never be based on “keeping score”, if you are looking to get stuff done and you need help doing it, remember this. The more you help someone, the more likely they will be to repay the favor.
Volunteer to assist your husband/son/significant other with a project he has been working on. Or, better yet, take on one of his chores for a week or so without expecting anything in return.
I guarantee, when the time comes for you to ask him for a favor, he will be more than willing to lend a hand.
6. Speak his love language
In How to Show your Love Without Spending a Dime, I discussed the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. The five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality time
- Physical Touch
- Receiving Gifts
We can use these five “languages” as a guideline for how to demonstrate our love for one another. For the most part, we all tend to prefer 1-2 main methods of affection.
I challenge you to discover your man’s love language and learn to speak it. {Hint: the majority of men prefer touch}.
Once you start speaking his “language” he will be more open to listening. Trust me on this!
7. Respect him
If you really want to know how to get a man to help, you’ll need to let the man in your life know that you respect him. Don’t put him down or complain about him to others (or to his face). Show him you trust him by allowing him to take the lead every now and again. When he speaks, do your best not to interrupt him.
You can also show your respect by keeping your promises. If you tell your husband you’ll be home at 8:00, then do your best to be home at 8:00. At the very least, call or text if you are running late.
Whatever you do, don’t expect your husband to start helping out around the house as a way to “earn” your respect.
According to Mark Gungor, International marriage speaker and author of “Laugh Your Way To A Better Marriage”, A husband’s greatest need is respect:
“Most women are willing to show respect, but they want their men to be worthy of it. If he is not, a woman feels that showing respect is disingenuous and she moves into “I-had-better-correct-the-situation” mode. She believes she can respect her man only if she can get him to act respectable. But that is not how it works. Respect is too great a need for a man to have it come and go based on performance. If a woman will learn to risk respecting her man when he is not perfect, he will open his heart to her and will become pliable to change.
A man needs respect to feel safe enough to open up. When he feels he is being looked up to as the ‘head” in a relationship, he will automatically allow his wife to become the “neck”—she will be able to point her man in the right direction.”
8. Be patient
I’ll be the first to admit, being patient is not one of my strong suits. When I want something done, I want it done NOW! I’ve had to learn not to impose my timeline and expectations on my husband. In fact, I am still learning this!
Once you start implementing these tips for how to get a man to help, please don’t expect instant results! A man has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing when he is being rushed. He can smell impatience a mile away.
Even if you succeed one day in getting a man to help, there’s no guarantee he will want to (or be able to) help the next day.
Be patient, keep encouraging and complimenting him, speak his love language, and above all…DON’T NAG!
9. Be flexible
It’s important to remember that {as women}, our way is not the ONLY way. As a “take charge” kind of girl, I know how easy it is to fall into a my-way-or-the-highway frame of mind.
Once the man of your choice starts pitching in and helping, it is vital you actually let him help. Resist the urge to micromanage and let him do things his way. Even if it is different from yours.
While you are allowed to make suggestions, stop short of meddling. Otherwise, you may lose his help for good.
Also, allow your husband, son, or significant other to work according to his own pace/schedule. When handing over your “honey-do” list, don’t set an unnecessary deadline for when {you think} the work must be completed.
If, for some reason, he stalls in his efforts to help, gently remind him about the task. {Remember, no nagging}!
10. Say, “Thank you”
Too often, we forget to use our manners with our loved ones. It is crucial to say “Thank you”, regardless of who does the helping.
“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life and you’ll find that you have more of it.” -Ralph Marston
With {a lot} less nagging, the right timing, a little bit of patience, a healthy dose of respect, and a gentle touch, you now have the formula for how to get a man to help with just about anything. You can use your new-found knowledge to get help with the dishes, laundry, kids, decluttering, cleaning, grocery shopping, home repairs…
READ MORE:
- How To Show Your Love Without Spending Any Money
- 10 Things All Boys Need To Hear From Their Dad
- 10 Things All Boys Need To Hear From Their Mom
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Thank you, thank you thank you. Great tips for any relationship. We so often forget that how we treat others is how we are judged by others.
Tracie,
Thanks so much for stopping by!
I really appreciate the info and ideas. I love your blog!